Smoking and Catholisism (is that spelled right?)

Now before I start, let's get 2 things straight - I am a Scottish Presbyterian (AKA pisshead protestant) and I'm dumb enough to be a tobacco smoker.
I am trying to quit, however. I now only smoke when I'm drinking alcohol, so I've now cut down to 3 packs a day. The problem is, ever since I was young, my father always taught me not to be a quitter. in fact, when I was 12 years old, my dad caught me smoking, and he did what all 70's fathers did - he made me sit down and smoke the whole pack right there in front of him, and I tell you what, I learned my lesson: the following day, I let him catch me with 3 hookers and a bottle of Jack Daniels. But it was mum when I was growing up that was always mentioning hookers... she used to say "CLEAN UP YOUR BEDROOM! THIS PLACE LOOKS LIKE A BROTHEL!" and I'd say "I don't think so! Have you seen The Pink Pussycat? That place looks awesome!".
I've tried to quit smoking with nicotine chewing gum, and I came up with an improvement - have a chewing gum containing nicotine AND beer, and make it taste like pussy.
But now the Pope... a catholic friend of mine was going on about how the Bible forbids contraception and a sex life for priests. Bullshit. A pope a few hundred years ago decided that to prevent his top salesmen (priests) from leaving all of their riches to their spouses when they die, he ordered all Priests to become celibate, which in theory should stop them getting chicks pregnant and thus marrying them. And as for the anti-contraception rule, that was introduced purely to guarantee increased membership in the church, along with increasing chucnks of cash tithed at usually 20% of gross income which went directly to the Catholic Church, ensuring ever incresing profits and turnover (don't quote me, but I think The McDonalds Corporation and The Vatican are usually neck and neck for worldwide economic turnover and percentage of worldwide market penetration (scuse the ironic choice of words).
One last thing, speaking of the Clergy (in general, not just Catholics) check this quote from EROS, the Australian Lobby Group for the Adult (Sex) Industry in Australia...
"...Without any engagement on the issue the church is isolated and will continue to make the mistakes of its past. The prosecution of 450 sex crimes against it in 10 short years is overwhelming and damming evidence..."
That was 10 years up to a couple of years ago. Both the Sex industry and combined Christian Clergies each employ an estimated 20,000 people each, with NOT ONE charge or conviction of an Australian Adult Industry employee. So next time you need a babysitter for your kids remember (and this is not a joke, but an ironic fact) your children are AT LEAST 450 times safer from sexual abuse or assault if they are supervised by a Pornstar, hooker or Vibrator salesman like me (actually I prefer the term "Orgasm Consultant") than a member of the clergy.

Finally, a thought I had while on the toilet. As men, sometimes the toilet can be a seat of deep thought. I know George W. Bush plans U.S. policy on the latrine, 'cos his policies are usually shit. But anyway, there I was, seated on the throne of inspiration, trying to negotiate the release of the chocolate hostage and I thought "I wonder if fish have vaginas? And if they do, I wonder what they smell like?". I reckon they probably smell like humans.

Until tomorrow,
"Reach out and touch someone. Then get a good Lawyer".

Adios